omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
