Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
