Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
