Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
