Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
