I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it's like iHOP with fire
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
