so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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