Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
