i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
