We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
