So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
