I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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