somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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