from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
