Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
