Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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