YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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