I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
