He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
