I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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