i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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