Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
