Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize