And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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