you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
