I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
