when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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