9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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