She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He better not be in your backpack
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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