so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
