Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
