I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize