There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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