he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
