I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
