I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
