I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
