somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
