Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
