I think I just saw someone hide a body.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
