to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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