I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We are all done wearing pants today
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
