I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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