ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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