I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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