sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have post one night stand depression
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