I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
