They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
