I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize