I smell stomach acid.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
