I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
