when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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