I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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