I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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