He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
