When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
