Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
