Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
