Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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