yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
