No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is the high leading the old right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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