just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
