I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
