I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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