I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize