haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
