Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
