im six kinds of drunk right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
