I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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