I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
