24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
