Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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