Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
