My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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