and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
